I have come to determine that I am the Perpetual Loner......or at least it seems that way to me. Maybe I am just being dramatic or nonsensical......don't know which one since I really don't have a flare for drama of most kinds. But it does seem that I am the loner in almost any group I find myself thrust into. Maybe its that attitude....I am being forced into social situations that I would normal not find myself in or maybe its just that I have a very strange personality and people just don't know how to approach me or whether they really just don't like me and can't tell me. I try really hard for the most part to keep the fuck off vibes to a minimum. I thought that most of the time I was a pretty approachable person but......maybe I was mistaken in that assumption. Its not that I don't like people really..... I just can't deal easily with certain types of people.......and for some reason I find myself in those groups of people. And the people that I can deal with easily are of course the people that are like myself.......and they don't like to be in awkward social situations either. They people that I usually make friends with or find myself having anything in common are the people that no one else talks to at gatherings. I tend to gravitate to those people just because they are usually in the darkest most out of the way corner in the room and that is where I want to be to. I am not sure why being the loner in those types of situations has become to bother me now.....at this time in my life. Seems like I would have taken issue with it before now and then tired to do something about it at an earlier date. Because at this point in my life I have pretty much established myself as the loner in any group so its hard to break that habit. Its almost second nature to me now......its almost like I make myself the loner almost immediately........and then after complain about being in that situation. Self destruction is a dangerous slope to start down.....and once you are at the bottom is sure as hell hard to get back up. Sometimes it would be nice to have someone at the top with a rope and a strong arm to help me up......but the Perpetual Loner has no one......and until now didn't need anyone.